Hilarity ensues...

Alex Ross has a great post, a letter to a man from whom Arnold Schoenberg bought a car. It needs to be read. I can only imagine some other people of musical history whose routine communiques I'd like to read.

Richard Wagner returns some pants, "These pants make me, the great composer, look fat."
Gustav Mahler buys a carpet, "This carpet is imperfect. Make it perfect!"
Pierre Boulez orders a couch, "The most elegant solution is to burn all couches."
Herbert von Karajan sells a television, "You will see what I have seen. It will be perfect."
Igor Stravinsky complains to the phone company, "Neoclassicism? You've never heard of it?"
Anton Webern challenges a credit card charge, "I ddnt by ths sht yb ntdd I."

Hilarity will ensue.